Let’s talk about Sex.

by | Feb 1, 2019 | Family, marriage, Parenting, Testimony | 0 comments

Oh no! A Christian blog write up can’t talk about sex! WHAT?! Yes, I can and should. Guess what!? NEW FLASH  – God created all things which means He created sex, and like all of God’s creation and goodness the Devil has tried to ruin it. (For the most part with great success.)

Let’s cover some basic rules first. #1 I believe sex should be between Adam and Eve. #2 I’m not writing this blog to judge you or make you feel bad about your sex life in any way. That is between you and God. #3 You have free will to continue reading this post or not. You may 100% disagree with me, I’m ok with that. This is my blog so, it’s my perspective and option.

Let’s start at the very beginning – it’s a very good place to start. Genesis chapter 2 –

20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 
21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 
22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 
23The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 
25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
I love this. It’s so simple – Adam was alone so, God created a woman for him. They become one flesh and felt no shame in being naked. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want anyone seeing me in my birthday suit. However, with my husband, I feel 100% free and comfortable to walk in front of him in the buff and vice versa. I love looking at him nude. It’s comfortable and you should feel comfortable with your spouse because God designed it that way.
Let’s talk about that feeling of shame, people feel it when there is a lack of purity.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. 
When we allow the purity of sex in marriage to be dishonored through premarital sex, adultery, porn, withholding, etc., we feel shame. It literally is in our DNA and if you try to brush it off you need to be honest with yourself – it’s there. What do you do about it though? #1 you go to God and ask for forgiveness and repent. #2 you go to your spouse and ask for forgiveness and repent. You move forward and you don’t live in the regret you live in the redeeming love of Jesus. #3 you teach the next generation to do better. 1 John1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Sex as a sin.
Gen 5:19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery;
1 Cor 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
Matt 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
1 Cor 6:9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men
I believe that sexual sin is such a big deal because of its effect on your mind, body, and soul. It digs deeper because it affects the core of how God created us and that’s the desire for the intimate relationship with Him. When we allow that level of intimacy to come into our lives it creates walls between us and God as well as our spouse.
Personally, I have the privilege to have had parents who taught me the beauty of sex and well as it’s pitfalls. When I was 16 I made a convent with God and my parents to stay a virgin until my wedding. My dad gave me a beautiful ring to be a reminder of that promise. That ring was a part of my wedding ceremony. I wore the promise ring down the aisle and my father provided the wedding band to both Josh and I. In exchange, I returned the promise ring. It was such a beautiful and symbolic part of our ceremony. It was also super funny as my dad suddenly got uncomfortable with the idea of his daughter doing the deed and he had to crack a joke “Well, I guess you can do it now.”
What motivated me to stay a virgin at 16 years old?
  1.  I got saved in June 1997, so I wanted to honor God.
  2.  Pride – honestly I was super proud of the fact I hadn’t had sex at 19, 20, and 21.
  3. I knew from the testimony of others what a joy and blessing it was to wait. I think sometimes churches preach “the don’t” too often and not the benefits of waiting.
  4. My husband was also waiting so, we kept each other accountable, even though it was hard as we got closer to our wedding.
  5. My dad – I really didn’t want to disappoint him.
  6. Self-confidence – I really felt sure of myself that I didn’t need a guy in my life unless he played by my rules and rule #1 I wasn’t having sex until the “I do” was done.

Sex is great. 

Proverbs 5:18-19 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. This is what I wanted for my life to intoxicate my husband to be his one and only desire. To bless him as the wife of his youth. Song of Songs 7:6 How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights! 
What are some things that could keep you from enjoying sex with your husband? From my experience with here are some things I’ve heard women confess.
  1. Control – When you say yes or no on your terms you can have control in the house.
  2. You don’t enjoy it.
  3. Physical pain or discomfort.
  4. Abuse as a child or previous relationships.
  5. Stress from work, kids, getting pregnant.
  6. Can’t get into it.
  7. You may find it gross and just something you do for his enjoyment

It can be any single reason or combination of reasons to let this part of our relationship go. I watched a video clip by Mark Gungor which is hilarious. He points out that men need the “happy place” to get to their hearts and women need our hearts touched so we will want to open up to our “happy place”. It’s a cycle of giving and taking in our marriages. I want my husband’s attention – I want him to focus on me. It’s not rocket science to get naked. It’s how men are wired. If you haven’t read “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs I highly recommend it. One of my favorite quotes is “No matter how desperate or hopeless a marriage may seem, if husband and wife both have basic goodwill in their hearts, they can stop the Crazy Cycle”.  If you have said out loud or to yourself ‘Sex shouldn’t be that important’ Slap yourself. IT IS SO IMPORTANT. It’s so important that there is a whole book in the Bible about it.

Ladies, we want to be loved, given attention, and respected by our husbands. We need to give them ourselves and respect. I think that’s why it’s so hard when we’ve given our bodies and hearts to so many different people. By the time we are with our husband, there is just less to give. If you are struggling to make love to your husband, I strongly suggest you get coaching from a professional counselor. If you need to work on things personally or as a couple or both, you are robbing yourself of a full life and relationship by not improving.

WHAT I TEACH MY KIDS ABOUT SEX – LOVE.

PDA

Well, first of all, PDA is a-okay in our house. I want my kids to want what we have. Josh and I hug, kiss, wink, and flirt in front of our kids. If they don’t have an example of love how will they ever find it?

POWER OF THE KISS

This is one topic that lots of people think I’m a little crazy on, but I have my reasons. Kissing is for the wedding day as well. I’m not saying I 100% expect my kids to follow this rule, but if it’s something they’ll have heard since birth. It sets the bar pretty high – you could say it makes the line for them to push and cross over way bigger with the intention of keeping them pure. I love the book the “Princess and the Kiss” By: Jennie Bishop. I wish I had written this book, it’s so beautiful. After reading this book to my son he decided he wanted to be the man who wins the princess’s heart. In addition, he is insistent that his little sister should save her kiss. At 3 years old my daughter already gets it. We’ll be watching a movie, a couple kisses, and she giggles with a remark “ohhhh they got married”. It’s priceless.

DON’T MAKE IT A BIG DEAL

Sex is a big deal, but don’t make it one. It’s so much a part of life that it’s how all our lives begin. Let science be your guide. Start with simple phrases like “when a mommy and daddy love each other, sometimes God uses that to bless them with a baby.” As kids get older add more detail “girls are born with all their eggs and someday a couple of those just might be my grandkids.” If you have an older kid and you are expecting it’s a great opportunity to let them be a part of it. My son is 7 years older than our daughter, he went to both ultrasounds and loved it. He has seen with his own eyes how life grows in a woman’s uterus. Another way I make it not a big deal is to use real words such as penis, vagina, uterus, ovaries, etc. I’ve read in a few places using the real words also helps kids combat would be abusers because a kid saying “Don’t touch my penis” makes them aware that this kid knows how to tell on them. I truly don’t believe in teaching kids through a single “talk” – teaching kids about purity and sex should be layered information that expands as they mature. It’s all around them already. Believe me, it’s way better for them to learn from you then a movie, friend, school, or book.

USE THE BIBLE

The Bible is caulk full of verses on awful sexual encounters and big-time mistakes for us all to learn from. It’s also full of powerful words of wisdom to guide us to a righteous sex life. READ IT and APPLY IT.

Here are some verses that will help you get started.

https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/bible-verses-about-sex/

RESOURCES

If you are struggling in your sex life or desire it to be better. I want to share some resources that may be helpful to you or resources to help you teach your kiddos.

  1. Intended for Pleasure By: Ed Wheat, Gaye Wheat  

  2.  She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

  3. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs 

  4. https://www.moralrevolution.com/

  5. Passion & Purity 

 

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