Oh no! A Christian blog write up can’t talk about sex! WHAT?! Yes, I can and should. Guess what!? NEW FLASH – God created all things which means He created sex, and like all of God’s creation and goodness the Devil has tried to ruin it. (For the most part with great success.)
Let’s cover some basic rules first. #1 I believe sex should be between Adam and Eve. #2 I’m not writing this blog to judge you or make you feel bad about your sex life in any way. That is between you and God. #3 You have free will to continue reading this post or not. You may 100% disagree with me, I’m ok with that. This is my blog so, it’s my perspective and option.
Let’s start at the very beginning – it’s a very good place to start. Genesis chapter 2 –
- I got saved in June 1997, so I wanted to honor God.
- Pride – honestly I was super proud of the fact I hadn’t had sex at 19, 20, and 21.
- I knew from the testimony of others what a joy and blessing it was to wait. I think sometimes churches preach “the don’t” too often and not the benefits of waiting.
- My husband was also waiting so, we kept each other accountable, even though it was hard as we got closer to our wedding.
- My dad – I really didn’t want to disappoint him.
- Self-confidence – I really felt sure of myself that I didn’t need a guy in my life unless he played by my rules and rule #1 I wasn’t having sex until the “I do” was done.
Sex is great.
- Control – When you say yes or no on your terms you can have control in the house.
- You don’t enjoy it.
- Physical pain or discomfort.
- Abuse as a child or previous relationships.
- Stress from work, kids, getting pregnant.
- Can’t get into it.
- You may find it gross and just something you do for his enjoyment
It can be any single reason or combination of reasons to let this part of our relationship go. I watched a video clip by Mark Gungor which is hilarious. He points out that men need the “happy place” to get to their hearts and women need our hearts touched so we will want to open up to our “happy place”. It’s a cycle of giving and taking in our marriages. I want my husband’s attention – I want him to focus on me. It’s not rocket science to get naked. It’s how men are wired. If you haven’t read “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs I highly recommend it. One of my favorite quotes is “No matter how desperate or hopeless a marriage may seem, if husband and wife both have basic goodwill in their hearts, they can stop the Crazy Cycle”. If you have said out loud or to yourself ‘Sex shouldn’t be that important’ Slap yourself. IT IS SO IMPORTANT. It’s so important that there is a whole book in the Bible about it.
Ladies, we want to be loved, given attention, and respected by our husbands. We need to give them ourselves and respect. I think that’s why it’s so hard when we’ve given our bodies and hearts to so many different people. By the time we are with our husband, there is just less to give. If you are struggling to make love to your husband, I strongly suggest you get coaching from a professional counselor. If you need to work on things personally or as a couple or both, you are robbing yourself of a full life and relationship by not improving.
WHAT I TEACH MY KIDS ABOUT SEX – LOVE.
Well, first of all, PDA is a-okay in our house. I want my kids to want what we have. Josh and I hug, kiss, wink, and flirt in front of our kids. If they don’t have an example of love how will they ever find it?
POWER OF THE KISS
This is one topic that lots of people think I’m a little crazy on, but I have my reasons. Kissing is for the wedding day as well. I’m not saying I 100% expect my kids to follow this rule, but if it’s something they’ll have heard since birth. It sets the bar pretty high – you could say it makes the line for them to push and cross over way bigger with the intention of keeping them pure. I love the book the “Princess and the Kiss” By: Jennie Bishop. I wish I had written this book, it’s so beautiful. After reading this book to my son he decided he wanted to be the man who wins the princess’s heart. In addition, he is insistent that his little sister should save her kiss. At 3 years old my daughter already gets it. We’ll be watching a movie, a couple kisses, and she giggles with a remark “ohhhh they got married”. It’s priceless.
DON’T MAKE IT A BIG DEAL
Sex is a big deal, but don’t make it one. It’s so much a part of life that it’s how all our lives begin. Let science be your guide. Start with simple phrases like “when a mommy and daddy love each other, sometimes God uses that to bless them with a baby.” As kids get older add more detail “girls are born with all their eggs and someday a couple of those just might be my grandkids.” If you have an older kid and you are expecting it’s a great opportunity to let them be a part of it. My son is 7 years older than our daughter, he went to both ultrasounds and loved it. He has seen with his own eyes how life grows in a woman’s uterus. Another way I make it not a big deal is to use real words such as penis, vagina, uterus, ovaries, etc. I’ve read in a few places using the real words also helps kids combat would be abusers because a kid saying “Don’t touch my penis” makes them aware that this kid knows how to tell on them. I truly don’t believe in teaching kids through a single “talk” – teaching kids about purity and sex should be layered information that expands as they mature. It’s all around them already. Believe me, it’s way better for them to learn from you then a movie, friend, school, or book.
USE THE BIBLE
The Bible is caulk full of verses on awful sexual encounters and big-time mistakes for us all to learn from. It’s also full of powerful words of wisdom to guide us to a righteous sex life. READ IT and APPLY IT.
Here are some verses that will help you get started.
If you are struggling in your sex life or desire it to be better. I want to share some resources that may be helpful to you or resources to help you teach your kiddos.
- Intended for Pleasure By: Ed Wheat, Gaye Wheat
Passion & Purity